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Tom "Dolphin-head" Jones 2

 

[Warning : The following story is a very long tale of love, deceit, power, adventure and corruption (actually none of them) and can create a sever lack of sense of reality in the reader’s mind due to some utter nonsense. The writer is not liable for any mental damages but takes full credit for any enjoyment thus received via the tale to be told. If the reader wishes to COMPLETELY misunderstand the following story, it is advised that the reader read the previous story about Tom "Dolphin-head" Jones]

The year was still 1931. The date was … still classified. Tom "Dolphin-head" Jones was still the fattest-detective-alive in San Francisco. Okay, he did lose three fourths of his body weight at the end of the first part. But, after he returned from Algeria, he immediately set out on an underwater expedition of the bay area to see if his king-sized doughnut was still untouched. Luckily for him, the fish had left it for the human race to study in the future. He fished out the doughnut, cleaned it (no one knows how) and ate the thing in a record three seconds. He felt so happy that he bought more king-sized doughnuts with all the money he had, and, eventually, was as fat as he used to be and as broke as he was in the first part. Plus, his office had been moved from the third floor to the ground level for the well being and survival of the other human souls who worked in that building.

It was a beautiful light grey morning that day in San Francisco. The beautiful sounds of the birds singing, followed by the "sweet" horns and bangs of cars, made for a wonderful start to the day for anyone in the city. However, for Tom "Dolphin-head" Jones, the day was not so nice. In his morning stroll down the hill to his office, he felt … heartbreak! The doughnut shop was closed … Permanently! He used his sources around the city to find out that the shop owner went bankrupt. For Tom, it was beside the point that he had built up a tab of a thousand dollars while buying his doughnuts.

Nevertheless, life went on and, similarly, poor old Tom would have to live his life from then on without five king-sized doughnuts for breakfast. Pity! Hence, we return to the situation at hand, with Tom in his ground-level office … sulking. Life had been harsh and it did not look as if things were going to change much. As Tom sulked while staring at his room, which was a lighter shade of grey, there was a knock on his 3 foot-wide door. When he looked up he saw the silhouette of a beautiful lady with a bonnet as large as his door.

Hoping that there was a client at the door, Tom said, "Come in".

The door opened, and in came Tom’s landlord (NEVER TRUST SILHOUETTE’S!) who marginally lost the title of fattest man in San Francisco to Tom. His face looked like a donkey’s rear end and his voice was reminiscent of that of a gorilla with a sore throat. The gorilla spoke "WHEN THE HECK DO I GET MY RENT?"

Tom lost his balance with the blast of sound yet regained his balance rather quickly for a man of his tremendous girth. Once he regained his composure, he attempted to speak. The reason the word attempted is used is because at that moment, quite suddenly a donkey walked into his office. It was not a normal event for Tom, by any standards. Of course, he had had conversations with non-existent Algerian Condors and dogs, but this was just a little bit unusual for him.

All this while, Tom’s "wonderful" landlord was engaged in the task of glaring at Tom so hard, that Tom would probably give him the rent then and there. Unfortunately, for both Tom and his landlord, that did not happen. Instead, Tom completely ignored his landlord, which, for the landlord, was VERY unusual. For a person like Tom’s landlord, being ignored was a part of life that he did not know about. His looks just didn’t allow it to happen.

In complete and utter disgust, the landlord contemplated retreating and did just that. However, on his way out, that slight problem of a donkey blocking his path attracted his attention. He turned to Tom and said "Keeping this donkey is going to come out of your rent, which I have duly decided to triple since you’re rich enough to live in your own world. HA!" The landlord turned back to the door, pushed the donkey to the side and walked off to visit his other tenants and brighten up their days as well.

Throughout all this drama, Tom was still wondering where the donkey came from, how it had plucked his hat from the hat stand and was rendering it "unwearable". Life had certainly taken a sharp turn in a direction that Tom had never ventured in before.

Tom’s first priority was to find out where the donkey had turned up from and why the donkey was there. The task seemed out of Tom’s reach, for although his name might have suggested it, he did not speak to animals, let alone donkeys. He had to do something, but unfortunately (yet another unfortunate hurdle) he did not know what. Yet, that hadn’t stopped him before and probably wouldn’t stop him now, either. However, like every other time, he was too stumped to do anything sane. So he started jumping. Unfortunately for the rest of the 100-mile radius around where he was, his jumping had some very severe consequences.

 

Less than a 100 miles away stood a living creature worthy of praise. It was definitely too ugly to be Tom’s landlord. And it was not even part of Tom’s landlord’s species (Tom’s landlord was a one of a kind being. No other like it ever did or ever would exist). Probably that’s why it was worthy of some praise. But this creature was, well, it was amazing. It was … Tom "Dolphin-head" Jones!

 

Back in the city, Tom had realised mid-way through his jump that he was going to have trouble with the landing and, as fast as he could, pulled the donkey under him as a cushion. [Note: Remember this is a fictional tale of utter craziness and this action on Tom’s part cannot be reported to the SPCA]. The donkey did survive, though. It was a miraculous event, that even its wife would have praised it for. What the goat did was … classified! It had been confirmed as a fictionally impossible action and thus dismissed. However, Tom did hit the ground and catastrophe struck the city of San Francisco.

 

The events that followed within five seconds of Tom’s landing were … classified. The reasons were that the catastrophe was SO great that it could not be described by mere words. It can only be described by normal words. Five seconds later, San Francisco was devoid of every single cake and doughnut shop that was ever there.

 

So when Tom got up, he looked around. He was on an empty landscape. You see only the cake and doughnut shops hadn’t disappeared, but so had the rest of San Francisco. And all that was left in its place was Tom Dolphin-head Jones and a donkey. The land was completely barren. Not a trace of the city remained. Not even the Golden Gate Bridge was there. Tom was dumbfounded (not that he ever was not dumbfounded)! He needed to recuperate from the events that had happened. Along the ground in front of him, he saw a shadow. It was the shadow of a tall, thin lady at the top of the hill. Since he wasn’t in his office, or his office wasn’t around him, he trusted the shadow and looked up. Tom learned something right then. NEVER trust a shadow! The person he saw was Tom Dolphin-head Jones!

[Note: From now on, the Tom who was at the bottom of the hill will be referred to as Dolphin-head and the Tom at the top of the hill will be referred to as Tom. The reasons for this nomenclature are as clear and concise as the reason for the writing of this story]

Dolphin-head went up the hill to see if there was a mirror there. He went up and poked the eye of his reflection. The reflection (Tom) spoke " OW! That hurt’s!"

"Who are you?" Dolphin-head asked.

"I am not a toy here for you to poke in the eye"

"Then WHO ARE YOU?" A frustrated Dolphin-head was not a nice Dolphin-head.

Tom said, "I am Tom Dolphin-head Jones"

"If you are Tom Dolphin-head Jones, then who am I?" Dolphin-head asked.

"You are a pathetic excuse for a Dolphin-head! That is who you are. You do not seem to understand what is going on here. I think I must change that. The world has been transported to another dimension. You have been left out of it, because if you had landed while the whole world was still here, you would have destroyed the world. So the world was taken away and you were left here, so that the rest of human kind would still survive."

Dolphin-head, still dumbfounded asked a question with more meaning than his brain "Wouldn’t it have been easier to just move me to another dimension instead of just moving all of civilization?"

"If you have ever seen yourself in a mirror, you would realise that it would be easier to move the whole Milky Way if we had to."

"Why do you look like me, though?"

"They had run out of every other good costume. This was the only one left. Ugly, isn’t it?"

"And who are they?"

"They are the reason that civilization will go on for another 67 years"

"And after 67 years?"

"I don’t know! They can only see 67 years into the future. Our equipment is not every good"

"And what about me?"

"Well, you will be left here in this dimension to roam free"

"What if I don’t want to roam free here and what if I want to return to my own dimension?"

"Personally I don’t care! I’m just a guy that looks like you. And in the tradition of every single meeting throughout time and space, it is time for me to say goodbye. Goodbye!" And with that, Tom vanished. Dolphin-head was left all alone (actually with the donkey) on the barren landscape knowing only that if only there was a doughnut shop around he would be happy, but there was no doughnut shop for a hundred miles. Tom was alone in a strange dimension away from his own and only with the knowledge that he didn’t even have enough money on him to buy a doughnut.

 

Read "Tom "Dolphin-head" Jones 3"